It's the day after Christmas and I feel bloated. Extremely bloated. Like a fat, bloated pig wearing lipstick.
Up until the day before Christmas I had lost a total of 7 lbs, but after the hot wings and homemade mac and cheese on Christmas Eve, then the homemade chicken noodles with mashed potatoes on Christmas Day, and then the chili and desserts on Christmas Night, I highly doubt those 7 lbs. stayed lost. I actually feel like I gained about 10. I also feel like I lost everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I lost my sense of accomplishment, and my sense of hope that maybe, one day, I can be skinny. I lost my motivation. I lost my mojo.
Tomorrow is Monday, and that is the day I want to start over...but can I? If I keep feeling like such a failure I might just stuff my face with more crap to help make myself feel better, which will only be temporary. Then, just as always, I will be depressed, then eat again. What a vicious cycle. What a psychotic thing to put myself through. Story of my life.
I keep debating with myself over whether or not I should get on the scale to see how much damage was done...how much work was 'un'done. Or, should I stay off the scale for the next 2 weeks (like I did the first time around) and hope, that when I get back on, I have lost more weight than I did before. If I work really hard, and work out at least 3 times a week, I am sure I can lose more than 7 lbs, and that would be extremely satisfying.
I think, after all the Christmas bloat, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to start over on Monday, no matter how hard it may be. I am going to fight with myself, I know this. I am going to try and convince myself that I am a big, fat failure and that I can never do it, that I can never accomplish my goals. But, I will tell myself to shut the hell up, that I can do it, and that I can beat the 'After Christmas Bloat'! It will truly be a Christmas Miracle!
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