A. C. B. (After Christmas Bloat)

It's the day after Christmas and I feel bloated. Extremely bloated. Like a fat, bloated pig wearing lipstick.

Up until the day before Christmas I had lost a total of 7 lbs, but after the hot wings and homemade mac and cheese on Christmas Eve, then the homemade chicken noodles with mashed potatoes on Christmas Day, and then the chili and desserts on Christmas Night, I highly doubt those 7 lbs. stayed lost. I actually feel like I gained about 10. I also feel like I lost everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I lost my sense of accomplishment, and my sense of hope that maybe, one day, I can be skinny. I lost my motivation. I lost my mojo.

Tomorrow is Monday, and that is the day I want to start over...but can I? If I keep feeling like such a failure I might just stuff my face with more crap to help make myself feel better, which will only be temporary. Then, just as always, I will be depressed, then eat again. What a vicious cycle. What a psychotic thing to put myself through. Story of my life.

I keep debating with myself over whether or not I should get on the scale to see how much damage was done...how much work was 'un'done. Or, should I stay off the scale for the next 2 weeks (like I did the first time around) and hope, that when I get back on, I have lost more weight than I did before. If I work really hard, and work out at least 3 times a week, I am sure I can lose more than 7 lbs, and that would be extremely satisfying.

I think, after all the Christmas bloat, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to start over on Monday, no matter how hard it may be. I am going to fight with myself, I know this. I am going to try and convince myself that I am a big, fat failure and that I can never do it, that I can never accomplish my goals. But, I will tell myself to shut the hell up, that I can do it, and that I can beat the 'After Christmas Bloat'! It will truly be a Christmas Miracle!

Food and Cigarettes...

It's day 12, and as you already read, I have lost 6 pounds! It's been quite a journey so far, and I feel like I have been dieting for 12 years, but it is getting easier. And, even though I have had a few slip-ups, I still feel really good about my accomplishment! Though, I cannot help but wonder how much weight I would have lost if I would have been 100% dedicated to the diet. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it now except stay on track!

There is some more pretty great news I have to share...In the last 2 days a truly amazing thing has happened. I feel slight repulsion for anything that is high in carbs and sugar. I honestly do not want to eat it, and the thought of it literally makes me feel ill. Never in my life have I felt this way about carbs! It truly is a Christmas miracle! : ) I still get cravings, but I never really know what they are for...it's this weird feeling in my body and I know I am 'craving' something, but I can never pin-point exactly what it is. And usually when I feel this way I also feel like stuffing my face with something. So, earlier today, when I felt like stuffing my face, I stuffed it with celery. Then, this evening I stuffed it with a taco salad of sorts...lettuce, hamburger meat, a small amount of salsa and some ranch dressing. Yummmmm!

So, it's been a pretty good last couple of days! There is one thing that I have noticed this week though, and it's not a good thing. I have been wanting to smoke cigarettes. I had pretty much quit, except an occasional cig if I had a drink, but now I have the desire to smoke 3 or 4 times a day. I am not sure what is causing this, but I cannot let the urge take control. I must resist!

Well, that's my update for today. Overall I am feeling really pumped about the weight loss and it makes me want to work harder. I am hoping for another 6 pound loss, but I want to lose it in a week, not 2. Though, Christmas is fast approaching and the food will be begging me to eat it. I think this year I will show it who is boss!

SIX POUNDS!

Just a quick update...I have lost 6 lbs. in 12 days! So, yeah, I am feeling GREAT today!

Give Me The Potatoes Or I'll Shoot!

I think I would kill for some potatoes right now. It's late. I am alone. No one would have to know.

Ode To Potatoes by Liz Ashley

I love potatoes,

Potatoes of every kind

Potatoes are the cat's meow,

They are always on my mind

I love potatoes,

Potatoes give me a thrill

If you taunt me with potatoes,

It's you I might kill

I just needed a moment to confess my love of potatoes. Please don't judge, I am temporarily insane. Hide yer kids! Hide yer wife!

Excuses, Excuses!

I finally understand the fatigue - it's caused by Ketosis, which sounds like a damn scary thing to me! But, if I understand what is going on and learn how to manage it, I should be okay. I guess it's something that most people go through, who are doing Atkins, so I assume it's not too bad. Though, if chugging a bottle of maple syrup will help, maybe I should consider it!

Today has been another hard day...so far. (Boo-hoo, poor me!) This morning I woke up to realize that there was nothing in the house I could eat, other than some frozen beef and chicken, and I did not feel like defrosting and then cooking anything. (Fatigue!) So, I decided to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which is not something I should be eating while on Atkins. I knew, whole-heartedly, what I was doing was wrong, and I felt extremely guilty. So, I went in to show Keith what I had done - I knew he would let me have it. Now, in most cases, if he told me what I should and should not eat, I would chew his head right off, but when I started this diet, I told him to keep me in check. I need him to keep me in check.

Even though I knew what his reaction would be (because I told him what his reaction should be in case I did something of the sort) I still got mad at him, but I was really just mad at myself. And, like a 3 year old, I threw my sandwich across the kitchen and stomped off to my bedroom. After a few minutes of pouting, I got up, defrosted the chicken, cooked it and ate it - and it was delicious. Far better than a heart-burn inducing PB&J!

But, back to not having any food in the house. It's hard to keep what I need on hand. I run a pretty tight ship when it comes to our monthly budget and I feel that buying all this extra stuff that I need is a bit excessive. It adds up! Especially when I am the only one eating most of it! So, that's just another frustrating part to the whole thing, but it could be just an excuse. It reminds me of Celebrity Rehab. They continue to come up with excuse after excuse as to why they should leave the program...'there are surveillance cameras watching me undress', 'someone is being mean to me', 'I cannot stand the constant bickering', etc., etc. I can hear myself in those pathetic people...'there is not anything to eat here', 'it's too expensive', 'I don't have any energy'.

So, that's my day in a nutshell, and, it's all I can type for now. I am just soooo tired.

Excuses, excuses...

Lethargy Makes Me Lethargic

Today has sucked. Plain and simple. I am so tired and feel so worn down, that I don't want to get my lazy butt up off the couch. I could have stayed in bed all day if it weren't for those pesky kids of mine. And, for me, it seems that the more tired I am, the more I want to eat. I just wanted to eat junk all day. I am pretty sure I stayed below my limit of 20 grams of carbs, but I am not 100% sure.

I am not sure how much longer I can deal with this lethargy. I had little energy to begin with, but now I have ZERO. I really want to start a workout routine tomorrow, and that has been my goal since I started this diet, but how can I work out when I can barely get out of bed? I wonder if this is something else that other Atkins dieters have to deal with. I was on the Atkins website today, and a perky, skinny Courtney Thorne-Smith was there telling me how easy the diet is and how I will 'actually feel more energetic after starting the Atkins diet'. I wanted to kill her. It's not that easy and I feel the opposite of energetic!

I am still hopeful, and I am going to continue with this diet. Maybe after a few more days I will get my energy back, but if I don't, I am not sure what I will do. Yes, I want to be thin and healthy, but do I have to be a zombie for as long as it takes me to achieve my goal??? No thanks.

So, I guess we'll see.

Wine Is NOT Atkins Approved!

Oh boy, so last night I really messed up. What can I say? It's the holidays. I had some girlfriends over for a Christmas 'girls night' get together, and I went a little overboard. For snacks we had cookies and peppermint bark, guacamole with tortilla crisps, chicken and guacamole pin-wheels and a cheese ball with crackers. I was on my best behavior and resisted temptation like a champ...until the wine bottles were uncorked. On Atkins there is a strict no alcohol policy, which makes sense since beer and hard liquor are full of carbs, and wine is FULL of sugar. So, the diet went right out the window. Though, I did manage to resist the yummy snacks, even after I had some wine. So, I guess I didn't do too bad. Live and learn, right?

Anyway, I am back on track today. Had some eggs for breakfast and haven't had lunch yet. I'll probably just have another salad!

Live and learn. Live and learn.

My Adventures in a Carb-Free World

On Monday, December 6th, I woke up feeling a bit groggy, probably since my weekend was chalk full of bad food (and drink) choices, and my body decided to get revenge on my brain. So, without much deliberation, I decided it was time to get in control and start the Atkins Diet. I chose the Atkins Diet because I know people (including my mom) that it has worked for. It is also highly recommended for women with a disease called Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease, which I have. So it seemed that Atkins would probably be the best bet for me and this body of mine.

Some background on Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD or PCOS)...It's pretty much an unheard of disease, yet it affects 5-10% of women in child bearing age. And, almost 30% of women have some PCOD symptoms. It's sneaky. A lot of women don't even know they have it until they push and push their Dr. to try to find out what is wrong with them. It's listed as a 'rare disease' by the Office of Rare Diseases, but those statistics don't sound 'rare' to me whatsoever!

PCOD symptoms can be completely different from woman to woman. The cause is a condition called 'insulin resistance', which is due to the body's production of high amounts of insulin in order to control blood sugar levels. Excessive insulin causes the ovaries to produce too much of the hormone testosterone and other male sex hormones. Symptoms include: excessive hair growth on face and body, acne, lack of ovulation, irregular periods, infertility, skin tags, uneven skin tone, aggression, depression, a 'fat' lump on the back of neck, excessive weight gain, difficulty losing weight...and the list goes on. And remember, some women with PCOD have ALL of these symptoms and some women only have a few.

PCOD cannot be cured, it can only be 'managed', and the best way to manage the symptoms is to get down to your ideal body weight. Yet, the catch is, with PCOD it can be extremely difficult to lose the weight! It is very frustrating to know this, to work at it, yet not see the results you want. So, that is why I am trying the Atkins Diet. Not only to help lose the weight, but to also manage my PCOD. See, with Atkins you are almost eliminating sugars, carbs and starches, which are HORRIBLE for anyone with PCOD and insulin resistance! Make sense?

Okay, now back to the diet. Today (December 10th) is day 5. It's been an extremely difficult 5 days, especially since I am addicted to bread, pasta, potatoes and that piece of cake every once in a while. It also does not help that very few of the people around me eat sensibly.

Day 1 was not so bad. I was really enjoying my eggs, salads and chicken.

Day 2 I felt extremely tired, cranky and had a massive headache. Plus every time I ate, I got a horrible stomach ache. This probably was also caused by the fact that I had not gone #2 in 3 days. (I know, TMI)

Day 3 was the worst day. All I could think about was candy and bread. And to make matters worse, I was at work where there is a candy jar sitting right in front of my face all day, yet I resisted temptation. Yay me! I also did not realize that this diet would make me feel like I am constantly hungry and I did not take enough food with me to work so that I could snack every five minutes. When I got home from work I honestly felt like giving up, but I didn't let myself do it. I went to bed extremely early that night.

Day 4 I slept most of the day. I just didn't have the energy to do anything!

Day 5 is today. I am feeling okay, still tired, and not constantly hungry. So far eggs for breakfast and a large salad for lunch has held me over. And, thank goodness, I finally went #2. ha!

So, that brings us to this very moment. I decided to start journaling through my diet, just to share with other women with PCOD, and to keep myself motivated. I can tell that my body is reacting to the diet in a good way - I do feel slightly smaller around my waist. I know how much I weighed before I started the diet, but I don't plan on weighing myself for a while. I don't want it to turn into an obsession with the scale.

Until next time...